


demonstrations of devotion

by hongseongwoo



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Forgive Me, M/M, No Fluff, happy valentines, i miss ongniel uwu, im very sorry, mentioned Woojin and Jihoon, not-so-happy valentines, sorry - Freeform, stardust quotes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 15:48:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17769677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongseongwoo/pseuds/hongseongwoo
Summary: “My heart, it feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish nothing for exchange – no gifts, no goods, no demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you love me, too. Just your heart in exchange of mine,” the younger recited Seongwu’s favorite movie line in hopes of getting his heart to soften and open up again for Daniel.It didn’t.





	demonstrations of devotion

**Author's Note:**

> Kindly read the fic that alternates present and flashbacks. It's supposed to be read like that. Also, I'm very sorry for this. I'm a noob and I have nothing in this hollow heart but love for Ongniel and angst. 
> 
> I don't own any character and god forbid, I hope this fic remains a fucking fic.

 

“ _Seongwu hyung, please open the door_.”

Daniel was standing at their shared apartment door for the 5th time this week, still waiting for Seongwu to forgive him. Seongwu kicked him out of their rented room—well, technically, he did not, but their friends decided it’s better for him to move out.

The hallway is still silent, Seongwu’s locked door doesn’t emit light from the inside which made Daniel believe Seongwu is there but did not turn it on purposely so the younger would think he’s not. Daniel almost snorts, he’s not going to let Seongwu go, no matter how much the older tried to fool him.

_“Hyung, I know you’re at the other side of this door, just… hear me out I’m begging you.”_

Only Daniel’s hoarse voice and incessant knocking could be heard. He was not knocking, actually—he was banging the door. He would break the door if he’s any stronger. This happened all in an instant. Seongwu can never stay mad at Daniel for a long time and this has got to be the longest and messiest fight ever, _Daniel thinks._ Forgive me, he whispered to himself.

“ _Hyung,”_ Daniel, as he tried to reach for the knob and see if it will open. It used to be theirs. Theirs. Not until last Valentine’s Day and Daniel made the biggest mistake, Seongwu did not even let him explain, he just left him like that.

 _“Please, hyung…”_ Daniel felt his tears welling up. The younger fell to his knees, still holding the door with both hands, his head and eyes downcast, lower body slumped, kissing the cold floor.

The door finally made a creaking sound. It opened, albeit slightly. Daniel gulped.

 _“I was wrong, hyung. I’m sorry,”_ Daniel tried to stop his tears from falling. _“Forgive me, hm? And come back to me? I really miss you, Seongwu hyung.”_

 

\--

 

It’s Valentine’s day. Seongwu had this day planned for him and Daniel. He may never be expressive through constant physical contact with his boyfriend and soon-to-be fiancé (soon-to-be, because he’s planning on proposing that day), he knows he’s good at touching the younger’s heart through his words and the events he does for him. And it always warms his heart whenever Daniel shoots his stupid sunshine-like smile, everything makes it better. Everything seems to be okay. He doesn’t want to admit it, but his entire world revolves around making Daniel happy because he makes him _ecstatic_ – he made him fall in love with his life. That’s why he considers the blonde his savior.

 

He's fallen deeply with Daniel and it’s a no brainer that he’d want to spend the rest of his life with _his puppy._ February 13. He thinks his heart is going to combust inside his chest. To say that he’s excited won’t cut it. His stomach does this thing: twirling with somewhat warm and fuzzy feels. He’s overjoyed. Who wouldn’t? Tomorrow, the real story unfolds, he told himself. _I need to prepare everything from top to bottom._ Perfect—always for his sunshine.

 

Now, he just needs to make sure all his plans will work, he thinks. He texted Daniel beforehand and even left a note in the fridge that morning. He knew Daniel will go out early for work and come home late, so he tried to remind him in every way possible. He even asked Woojin to kindly remind his boyfriend that he already reserved an entire room for their Valentine’s celebration.

 

“See you tomorrow, _puppy_. I’ll wait at our usual place."

Love,

**Your ongly kitten**

 

Seongwu wishes Daniel remembers—as much as he adores the younger, he also hates how he tends to be all over the place, forgetting this and that, including dates set and even anniversaries. It was put on seen. Seongwu smiled and brushed off the feeling he can’t pinpoint what. _He’ll remember, right?_

It’s already 11 in the evening and raining cats and dogs – Seongwu starts to click his tongue and to tap his feet. Their usual date place was decorated especially today because Seongwu wanted to surprise Daniel. He even asked the manager if he could close the inner room reserved for meetings and other events. He ordered Daniel’s favorite dishes, put on his favorite the 1975 songs, heck, Seongwu even hired a friend to play the violin for them and paid for the flower arranged. He did not want to make this date any less special.

 

But the date seemed to still slip Daniel’s mind. He hasn’t heard of him since this morning. The manager of the restaurant told him they’re closing in 30 minutes.

_Fuck._

_Why isn’t he here yet? Don’t tell me he forgot, for goodness’ sake._

At that exact moment his phone rang. _Finally._ He hurriedly tried to poach his handheld from his tight pants. To his dismay, the caller ID his phone showed isn’t his boyfriend’s. It was Woojin. _Is something up, why is he calling?_

“ _Hyung, I… I don’t want to tell you this but can you please come and get Daniel hyung? He’s doing… weird things and I don’t know what he’ll do in the next minutes,”_ Woojin sounded worried.

“ _Woojin-ah, can you explain? I think I’ve been mishearing things. Can you tell me where you are?”_ Seongwu can just let out a sigh. _Weird things?_

“ _We are at the noraebang in front of our workplace, the bosses kind of want everyone to have fun and scheduled this, didn’t Daniel hyung tell you, hyung?”_ Woojin answered immediately.

He didn’t. He felt uncomfortable knots in the pit of his stomach.

“ _Oh, yes. I forgot. I’ll be right there. Thanks, Woojinie.”_ It would be a lie to say that this did not upset him. Well, he’s not upset, he’s downright disappointed. But there’s no time to be mad, _what could he be doing?_

 

The cab ride did not take long. It was a relief their usual place is somehow near to Daniel’s workplace and he arrived in no time. He tried dialing Daniel’s phone but he’s not picking it up. _Kang fucking Daniel,_ now he’s fucking angry. It’s not enough that he ditched their Valentine’s date and now he’s doing this, and it’s raining hard on top of it. _What’s his deal?_

 

\--

 

Daniel lightly touched the door just to open it for a bit and to see Seongwu. Suddenly, his tears start to roll down his face, racing to his chin. He slowly curled in to seemingly squat and hold his knees tightly against his chest as his head rested on them. His eyes still looking down as he started to cry and tremble.

 _“It’s my fault hyung, I should have remembered. I should have come running to you, I…”_ Daniel was cut by the sudden opening of the door.

A figure appeared in front of Daniel. Daniel immediately threw himself to the man, and the man reciprocated and welcomed Daniel in his arms. He tugged the younger even closer when Daniel started to full on sob.

 _"Hyung, I am sorry. I… it was my fault, all of it. Forgive me,”_ Daniel cried even harder when the man squeezed his arms, he never said a word, but it was enough for Daniel to know it’s a touch symbolizing comfort he wants to give him. His head is dizzy, he feels like he’s going to pass out from lack of oxygen. He was gasping for air as his breaths shorten just like his incomprehensible murmuring.

 

 _“Daniel,”_ he stroked the younger’s hair, holding his cheeks and wiping the tears that covered them wet, _“it’s not anyone’s fault, shh, honey”._

 

\--

 

 

Seongwu entered the place, it was noisy and dark, and the place reeks of sweat and alcohol, combined. Daniel rarely go this kind of place and Seongwu understands it’s for work, but that fact doesn’t stop him from getting all riled up. Daniel does this once in a while but how can he forget, let alone tell the older he wasn’t going to make it. He could have informed him about this company get-together. But he tried to understand, lately Daniel has been under immense stress due to the demands of his field. The advertising industry can take its toll on you, Seongwu acknowledge. Especially if you’re handling the candidacy of the biggest politicians in Korea like Daniel. It is not like his job, a photographer and a part-time model, which means he’s in charge of his own schedule and he’s the boss of himself. He tried to rationalize the younger’s actions because this rarely happens. _Yes, that might be it._ Seongwu likes to make himself believe.

 

He was thinking of ways to kind of surprise him still, so he brought the blue roses bouquet he especially ordered from Jihoon’s flower shop. On his left hand, the bunch of blue roses and his phone, still trying to get a hold of Daniel while he makes his way through the crowd, and on the right, he’s clutching onto engagement rings he wanted to give Daniel earlier. He can still save this day from being the worse ones in his book.

 

People’s skins are rubbed to his and he’s sure that their sweats will mark his favorite dress shirt. Fuck. He hates it, it’s just that he’s not really in a position to think about other things. _Let’s get to Daniel first._

After minutes of trying to walk past hormonal teenagers and uncontrollable drunken adults, he saw a familiar blonde-haired, broad-shouldered guy facing back. _It’s him_.

_“Niel-ah!”_ he shouted. The younger doesn’t seem to hear so Seongwu walked in a stride to get to him as fast as he could. The crowd seemed to be pushing him and _oh._

Seongwu halted abruptly by the scene he’s witnessing.

_Am I being fooled by my eyes?_

It was indeed Daniel but it was strange—it was fucking strange.

Daniel was leaning to another man, lips pressed in his, _not his_. He was even holding his waist, eyes closed while kissing him on the dancefloor, it was almost romantic. Except it wasn’t.

 

The short gray-haired man with porcelain-like skin seemed to notice that someone was watching them make out in the middle of the bar. The man Daniel kissing wanted to make a remark but Woojin waved and called Seongwu, which made the younger look to his back.

 

There’s a frozen Seongwu. He felt like his heart dropped and break into tiny little pieces. He’s sure at that exact moment he wanted to unsee every single thing.

 _This isn’t right, is it? My eyes could be fooling me._ He managed to think. He was just taken aback—lips parted slightly, eyes widened and tears at the verge of falling, body completely still. There’s a lump in his throat and he feels his chest tightening. _Is this right?_

Before Daniel can move and say something, Seongwu dropped the bouquet and his phone but held the rings tightly. He ran past strangers still dancing, almost shoving them to give him way. He ran as fast as he could, it’s still raining profusely but who the hell cares? He just caught his boyfriend of three years cheating on him. _Be rational Seongwu,_ his mind commands. But his heart feels like he cannot contain it anymore—it’s suffocating him.

 

He tried to stop crying, he tried to think of reasons why Daniel would do such thing, he tried to stop the pain, he tried to stop hurting. But the thing he wants to do most right now, is to run away from Daniel. Daniel, who he believed loved him most in the world, Daniel who he believed can’t even hurt him unintentionally, Daniel who gave his heart in exchange of Seongwu’s, Daniel who he was ready to give his entirety to--

 

Daniel. He already caught up. Seongwu could see he's chasing after him.

“ _Leave me!”_ He knew he shouted loud enough for the younger to hear.

“ _No! Seongwu hyung, let me explain, what you see is just…”_

Instead of slowing down, he hastened and doubled his speed. He's tired and he feels like his legs are going to give up any time soon but he still managed to sprint. He did not want to hear any stupid explanation coming from a mouth who touched someone’s lips other than his. He was utterly disgusted and it turned Seongwu’s stomach upside down. He even wanted to puke.

“ _Hyung, please—”_ Daniel begged the older but Seongwu was resolute.

“ _Don’t even take an inch closer, Daniel,”_ Seongwu said breathily as he was drowned from his own tears and the sky which seems to be crying, too. He raised his arms and held it out to signal Daniel from moving.

“ _Hyung, you will get sick if you continue this, let’s get you home now!”_

\--

 

Daniel did not look up when the man told him it wasn’t his fault. He knows it is. Everything was due to his own stupidity and he’s aware of it. Sometimes he wishes he wasn’t.

Daniel slumped his body to the body tugging his, eyes still downcast and head dizzy from exhaustion brought by his sobbing.

 _“Hyung, I miss your smile. I miss your warmth, I miss hearing you say you love me like no one ever loved someone before. I miss the sound you make when you’re sleeping, I miss breakfasts with you. I, I miss my life with you,”_ Daniel, breathing constricted, yet he continued, “ _please come back to me,”._

“ _Please, hyung, hm?”_ his eyes are begging as he collapsed to the elder’s embrace.

“ _My heart, it feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish nothing for exchange – no gifts, no goods, no demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you love me, too. Just your heart in exchange of mine,”_ the younger recited Seongwu’s favorite movie line in hopes of getting his heart to soften and open up again for Daniel. It didn’t.

After a few seconds of nothing but silence, it was his turn to cry again. This one it echoed to the entire hall. _As I expected._ Futile. _Will you ever forgive me?_

Jisung just sighed and hugged Daniel back, he took over Seongwu’s apartment for three months now after that fateful night. Jisung is not new to this. Daniel has been doing the exact same routine for weeks. He has been going to his and Seongwu’s shared apartment despite the doctor’s advise to live in a place that will remind him less of Seongwu. Jisung voluntarily took over their shared apartment and let Daniel live in his for the time being. However, that didn’t stop Daniel from coming over and crying for hours in front of their door.

 

“ _You know he’s not coming back, right?”_ Jisung said it ever so mildly and calmly, like it’s not going to hurt Daniel even more.

 

\--

 

But it was too late.

 

 _Thud. Screech._ _Screams. Sirens._

 

Daniel felt his world stop and he swears he heard his heart drop.

There’s Seongwu, lying in front of a van _, lifeless_ and bathing in his own blood. The white dress shirt he’s wearing was almost tinted with red entirely, with his hands clutching on to something. Daniel ran and tried to get a hold of Seongwu but he was not answering. He hugged the older and tugged him closer. He leans to check his breathing, he still is, _thank god,_ albeit faintly. _Please, Seongwu, breathe!_ He wasn’t aware of his surroundings, he didn’t notice how people were circling over them and the sound of the wailing ambulance in the background. It’s just him and Seongwu, his _beloved._ The love of his life, eyes shut and his pretty cheeks painted with light red because of the water and blood gushing out his wounds. There are shattered glass placed in his left face instead of his beautifully-positioned moles.

_Seongwu, please! Hold on!_

He was holding Seongwu’s body like a mother to her child. He couldn’t even hear his cries because of the heavy rain and the endless horns of vehicles. He wanted to stop everything. Right there and then, Seongwu lost his grip, his hand that was holding on to something – the ring he prepared for the proposal – his palms now opened, his breathing stopped. Daniel was shouting to everyone who seemed to just hover around. Everything went to black.

_Get us help! Please! Please! Seongwu wake up! God damn it!_

 

\--

“ _You know he’s not coming back, right?”_ Jisung said it ever so mildly and calmly, like it’s not going to hurt Daniel even more.

“ _What are you doing here, Jisung hyung? Where’s Seongwu hyung?”_ Daniel said in between his sobs, looking up to the man.

“ _Daniel, we all know Seongwu isn’t coming back. Let him go,”_ Jisung sounded stern now, releasing Daniel.

” _What do you mean, he’s there, isn’t he? Just… let me talk to him, I want to explain,”_ The younger pleaded.

“ _Seongwu hyung talk to me, hm? Let me make it up to you. I promise I won’t miss any Valentine’s, our anniversaries and every day that I’ll spend with you, I love you, hyung, please come back…”_ Daniel tried his best even if he’s gasping for air and he feels like he will pass out for the lack of oxygen any minute.

“ _Hyung, please, it’s my fault but can you please forgive me, just one last time? I’ve been cruel to you, I did things I shouldn’t have done, I…”_ he said breathily, he was shaking, still on his knees, begging for Seongwu to take him back.

Minutes already passed Daniel knows it’s not going to change anything. All of this is futile. He sat and slumped his body against the wall.

“ _Jisung hyung, maybe Seongwu hyung is punishing me for doing horrible things to him when we’re still together,”_ Daniel turned to Jisung who was now at the other side of the hallway, staring intently at Daniel.

“ _I was an idiot, am I not? He gave the world to me and I only gave him pain he didn’t deserve. He loved me when I was broken, he fixed me and still loved me more when I was better. Seongwu hyung is the most beautiful human to exist and he didn’t deserve all the things I did to him, I… the only thing that he did wrong was to fully trust me and love me. He got nothing but agony, it must be his way of punishing me, right? Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?”_ Daniel laughed a little, both he and Jisung knows it was an empty one. Tears continue flowing his cheeks as he rubs his eyes and he brought his knees to his body. He knows he’s fucked and that he’s going to be miserable for his entire life. Jisung, for the nth time, can just sigh.

 

“ _I killed him, hyung, I was the one who ended his life, and this is my punishment.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hello. I'm new? I'm Jane and a pureblood scientist. I just recently found that I may or may not like writing despite my age (I'm old, really) 
> 
> I currently do not have channels (Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, whatever) where you guys can talk to me but I'll be in the comments? I'll create a Twitter soon (or like, transform my lurker account into a legit one). In the mean time, reach me through your comments.
> 
> Every comment is welcome and will try to answer them. Happy valentines day!
> 
> If you want, I may or may not post a backstory to this. Like, why is Daniel like that and all when he loves Seongwu so damn much and stuff... perhaps all the cheesy shit.
> 
> And please do take it easy on me. I'm still learning things about this thing. Yup. Yeah. Cool. yes.
> 
> UPDATE: I made a Twitter with no following so please talk to me there? @nielongaus


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